Monday, August 17, 2009

Day 1: Imitation is the highest form of flattery

My dear, amazing friend has recently created his blog, "100 days of happiness" which can be found at He is an amazing writer, and he's on a path towards nirvana by finding the goodness in every day. He has inspired me to write my own blog. I don't like constantly utilizing my friendships for free therapy, so I've decided to let it all out... not in a "give out negative energy and it comes back to you" kind of way. No, I'm releasing it like a dove released at a wedding on the beach. As a sign for a brighter future, a more fulfilling life. I want to release all my negative energy and allow the positive energy to flood into my core. I hold onto too much. So, now's the time to let it go.
I don't know if I'll truly vent for 100 days straight, but the idea seemed good at the time. So, here it goes: RELATIONSHIPS. Not friendships. Not flings. Not family. A partnership. A true partnership is such a simple idea yet so very, very complex.
Simply, a partnership is something that two people sustain together. It's mutual. It's something else that both people are contributing to. In reality, there is so much more to it. There are emotions and feelings involved. Even worse, there are humans involved, and that complicates things more than anything. "If there were no people on this Earth, then there would be no problems." I said that last week. (I was obviously having a rough day.) I'm not in a relationship, but I want to be. I want to have a partner that supports me and that I support back. But, when people get into relationships, they eventually (and almost always) end up feeling stuck and miserable. They have to consider the other person's feelings so much that they begin to lose themselves. Their independence is jeoparadized and they begin to resent the person they once fell in love with. The fun is gone. But, when you're single, the fun is empty. Curling up on the couch with someone, watching a movie, while they play with your hair sounds so fulfilling it's heart wrenching. Like my favorite group, Jagged Edge, says, women "just want to be loved, just want to be hugged." I feel like that. I just need that supportive partner that believes in me. But, here's the thing: men are attracted to my strength and independence. When we get comfortable, and I open up and start revealing my concerns, fears, stress factors... they lose interest. I'm not the strong, independent goddess anymore. I'm... human. So, what do you do to keep the interest of the one you care about? Do you save your problems for your therapist or do you share them with the one that you care about the most? If you limit your conversations with the one you're closest to, are you really that close at all?

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